Pilgrimage in Kuningan, West Java, Indonesia

I have heard of pilgrimage tours you can do in Indonesia. However, because I live in Europe near the famous pilgrimage sites such as Lourdes, St. James Way or the many smaller pilgrimage sites near my home town, I have never shown any interest in a pilgrimage tour in Indonesia

In early June 2016, I was invited to join a pilgrimage tour by the local parrish St. Ambrosius, Melati Mas, near Jakarta. The location was in the area of Kuningan near Cirebon, very close to the border from West to Central Java. The cost for the tour, food, drinks, tour leadership, entertainment was IDR 100.000 or 8 EUR,-. The duration of the drive was about 6 hours one way, most of it on the newly built toll road between Jakarta and Cirebon

The bus trip
We had a couple of committed volunteers who took over entertainment, organisation like ordering buses, ordering and distributing food. So members of our parrish were invited to share their story about God, their life, an important person in their life or just sing a song with the group. In fact all the participants of the tour shared a bit of what they have with the other members of the parrish. It was really something that Jesus taught us and our parrish put it in practice. We all tried to help the engaged members to distribute the food and drinks we pre-ordered beforehand. The toll road was newly built, smooth, going through rice fields and mountainous areas. Different from the older toll roads, there were no tellers on the gates and we need to use a bank card.

Our parrish sharing experiences and songs in the bus

The pilgrimage venue in the village of Cisadana in the Kuningan area
Before we realised, we had reached the village of Cisadana on the foot hill of Mount Ceremai  where the worship cave is located.. It is called Gua Maria Sawer Rahmat or Mother Mary's Cave spreading grace in abundance. From the legends I heard that the village was once very poor and the crop failed every year. After the Holy Cave was finished and active, the village farming crop started to flourish due to the grace spread by the cave. Another reason for this might be the touristic significance of the village and the very famous culinary specialties in the area

Climbing the steep steps of the passion walk

We had to climb up the steps of a fairly steep hill to get to the Holy Cave. It was a little bit slippery after a prolonged period of rainy days and I can't imagine what it would be like if it had rained the day before. I pretty much admired the elderly and frail gentlemen and ladies who managed to climb up without complaining. It seems that their strong belief in God made them strong and able to do things they otherwise cannot do, like climbing a fairly long steep hill. This is normal for a seasoned trekker like me but certainly not for a less physically active and frail elderly person.

These are the good angels who did everything to make the tour a great experience

There were a couple of worship stations where we were about to contemplate Jesus Christ's passion walk to Gogotha. Jesus had to bear his cross, Jesus was flogged and insulted, Jesus fell down  and a stranger had been commanded to bear the cross, the woman who cleaned His face and Jesus' face was printed in the cloth. This cloth is still guarded in the Museum of Vatican. Finally we reached St Mary's cave, a worship venue with a small fountain. We met the priest who was scheduled to hold a service in the chapel. He invited us to attend the service which we did.

Our late lunch in Cirebon 
We were later than usual due to some traffic jam and the additional 2 hours that we attend the beautiful Holy Mass. Our lunch in Cirebon became nearly an early dinner. As we entered the restaurant, it looked smaller than it was and the appearance was not very impressive. Just after we entered, we noticed that the restaurant had 3 levels and we were seated at the upper level. From here we could have a breath-taking view on a vast area of rice terraces and being located on a hill, we could view the city of Cirebon from up high. The restaurant itself was nicely appointed, with wooden floors and chairs in traditional Sundanese Style

View from Kelapa Manis restaurant on the rice fields and the city of Cirebon

The local pastor Santo who unexpectedly invited us to the service in the chapel

Last station: Trusmi batik in Cirebon
A 3 hour stay at Trusmi Batik was planned but it had to be shortened to barely 1 1/2 hour due to the unexpected events we had. I thanked God because I have been warned that Trusmi Batik was very touristy, expensive and crowded on the weekends. The Trusmi street is a well-known culinary area in Cirebon where you can sample a numerous selection of cheap traditional foods. We arrived around Iftar time during Ramadhan, so we could experience the rushing traffic and people who came to the area to buy their food for Iftar(break fasting during Ramadhan). Unfortunately we all had just eaten at the restaurant and nobody was hungry. Besides, crossing the street with the crazy traffic made me fear for my life. I just had a relaxing break and a glass of freshly squeezed frosty juice, a very well-known Iftar beverage in Indonesia.

Tip: Avoid the Trusmi Batik shop and instead shop at the neighbouring Batik shops in the same street. They are cheaper, less touristy and at least of the same quality.


The trip was the highlight of my stay in Melati Mas. I must say thank you to all the people who took so much time and effort to organise the tour. Our parrish community leader Pak Sandy and his wife, former leaders Richard and Rudy and their better halves, a lot of other comitted Christian people that I met on the prayer evenings in Melati Mas. This tour is not only a nice trip to a beautiful area on the border to central Java, it makes you contemplate about Christ's passion and his suffering, is a good exercise for young and old, a lovely tour through the mountains and rice terraces to the village of Cisadana on the foot hill of Mount Ceremai.

Members of our parrish spent a whole day on a marvelous tour, shared experiences and knowledge together,  came closer to each other and practiced the teachings of Christ in their day-to-day life without any special effort

Getting a deeper insight into Indonesian culture

Traditional Benteng Chinese wedding in the village

Modern Chinese New Year celebration

I was  not born and raised in Indonesia but my Indonesian genes are visible. My language skills are quite good because I had many Indonesian contacts in other countries. Reading books and virtual social networks has helped me a lot to get around the country with adequate language and behaviour.

This year  my mother has been struck by a sudden illness. I needed to take over all her business and social duties without much preparation. As a seasoned traveller in business and leisure, I am aware of cultural differences. But there is a huge difference between knowing and actually living a culture. I was forced to plunge and blend in into the society because I was my mother's only relative. Couchsurfing turned out to be extremely helpful because I met my CS friends Diana and Magdalena. They guided me to cope with cultural differences and Diana even helped me to find a retirement residence for my mother. I do have Indonesian friends that are not on CS too. Lovely people, wealthy, highly educated and well-traveled but unlike me, they haven't had a globalised parental education from their first baby crawl. So, sometimes it has been a challenging act to bridge the differences in perception. Here are a few cultural differences which highly differ from mine:


 

These friendly Muslim nurses are against over-structured society, hypocrisy and adult authority

Unwritten social rules
At least outwardly, ethnicity differences seem to be a big no-no in European or Australian societies. In Indonesia it is different. Mentioning ethnicity differences and even a certain degree of racism is socially acceptable. People address the elderly, the Chinese, the Christian indigenous and the Muslims differently with different names. For instance if they assume that somebody is Chinese they will automatically call them Ci(older sister in Chinese) or tante(auntie).  The problem with this kind of social etiquette is: Somebody will automatically be placed in a box or given a place in society just based on their looks. Some Chinese look like indigenous Indonesians and many indigenous Indonesians look like Chinese, some older people look younger, some younger people look older.

The best solution would be to find a common term to address the people and nobody will be distinguished by their age or ethnicity. Former President Sukarno suggested that everybody should be called bapak(Mr) or ibu(Mrs, Ms) which can be directed at any person regardless of age and ethnicity. I quite appreciate the Muslim indigenous Indonesian who call everybody mbak, ibu or bapak regardless whether they are Chinese or indigenous.

Respect the elderly or adult authority?
Respecting the elderly seems to be the cornerstone of the  Asian culture. But what people in certain circles consider respect is in fact adult authority in the most narrow pyramid form. Mario Teguh, well-known Indonesian TV talkshow master repeatedly discussed the topic "respect" in all its forms. One of the topics that received special attention was: Respect needed to be earned and not demanded. This means that younger people and children do deserve respect especially when they have outstanding achievements. A lot of younger and older people in this country seem to evolve and start to think outside the usual box. A very good development!

A different approach towards raising children
Non-Western parents also tend to be overbearing and overprotective to their children. A great deal of Western parents do not prohibit their kids to climb a tree because they should learn the hard way. Only after they experience that falling off a tree can be excruciatingly painful, they will realise that they need to be more careful in such endeavors.  Indonesian parents have the habit to protect children from getting hurt by just preventing them from climbing a tree or riding a motor bike.

Due to this kind of upbringing we often see that young Indonesians have less self-confidence than their Western counterparts. While Western youngsters leave their parent's home to live on their own at the age of 18, Indonesian people often live with their parents until the age of 30. On the other hand, it is quite encouraging to see a lot of changes made to Indonesian society rules and younger people have often become more assertive.  A lot of parents start to question the old methods and start to raise their children to be more independent.

Hypocrisy towards the elderly
One Asian girl told me that "the elderly help us when we need financial help, therefore we do what they tell us". Well, in my opinion this is not respect but a form of extreme top down authority. It is difficult to understand for my social upbringing. On the other hand, older people are not taken seriously in business and day-to-day affairs.

My mother's birthday international brunch at Four season's Hotel Kuningan

My mother is a very independent lady and as she wanted to clarify issues with technical problems in her house, the government worker shouted at her very disrespectfully "Your child should take care of it!!!" And people sometimes do not realise that some elderly have no relatives anymore. When an elderly person does not behave according to acceptable norms, this attitude is automatically judged as signs of getting older. This is extremely hypocritical considering that the elderly should deserve respect.

People over 70 are considered  helpless and childish in Indonesia while in the western world they still run marathons. As my mother has been operated, I was quite astonished that it was me who had to sign the consent form. I told the people that I considered it a blatant insult to the address of the senior-aged people. Relatives can also sue doctors if anything goes wrong. However,a  few exceptions in Indonesia still have outstanding performance at the age of nearly 100!  

Lack of appreciation towards somebody else's time If you have an appointment in Jakarta,  it is nearly impossible to be on time due to traffic jams. But people seem to set their own time schedule and just make up not overly intelligent lies. They would cancel on you half an hour before the appointment saying that they have a meeting. Of course I don'T believe them.. As far as I am informed, even in Indonesia business meetings are scheduled and I have a business meeting with them too. "Can I come tomorrow because I have a meeting today?" they ask. . I told them that they had wasted my time today and going to ruin my  next day.  

The word privacy does not exist because it is not there
The word privacy in Indonesia does not exist because you simply cannot have it. What does the word privacy actually mean? One of the many meanings is the right to do whatever you think is right for you. For instance if a person has piercings and weird clothes, people  in the Western world may not like it but they respect their privacy or right to do whatever they see fit. In Indonesia, people on the street will probably follow and ridicule them. I was not allowed to wear shorts in a Tai Chi group training session because all the others had long pants on.  Of course I can understand that they have to wear uniformed clothes in a performance.

I told them that in a training session people could simply wear whatever they wish. Their response reflected more the attitude of kindergarten toddlers. Gossiping while throwing indiscrete looks and finally making fun of me. People easily ask your age and salary, while very insensitive to the other person's reluctance to answer. Even my closer friends don't show much understanding that I don't appreciate them coming to my house just as they please.......It is very clear that the Asian culture is more based on collective values while the Western culture has evolved towards individualism.

The mainstream traveller This is the worst because this group strongly defines themselves through wealth. Tour guides already know that Indonesian travel groups are more interested in shopping than people, culture and scenery. Neighbours and friends seem to nearly demand presents, the so-called oleh oleh from overseas. Travellers are therefore pretty much under pressure of which present they have to buy for which neighbour. They are even prepared to pay excess weight just to accommodate the pressure of their social environment.

golden wedding anniversary with red wine

It is very fortunate that some enterprising Indonesian people are much into backpacking and adventure; they are often members of Couchsurfing or Indonesian Backpacker Communities. Indonesian Couchsurfers and probably all flash- and backpackers all over the world speak many foreign languages, have a rather globalised view on life and their attitude is mostly untypical for their culture.


Summary
If you travel to any country for just a short time, you will not be really exposed to the real culture. In order to taste the real culture with all the pros and cons, one needs to either work or study in a country for some time. I start to realise this after I came to Indonesia for prolonged periods and had to fulfill certain tasks.