Relations between religions

I had a little spare time in Balik Pulau after my usual market and eating day. So I decided to hike up the hills. As I saw this sign to the Santarama temple I thought of either visiting the temple or to continue the climb.

Suddenly a car drove up the hill and a nice lady asked me something in Chinese. Then she saw my puzzled face and  switched into excellent English. She asked whether I wanted to do a hike or  go to the temple. 

I was unsettled about it and she said that they were going to pay a visit to respect the monks. They also prepared some food to offer to the monks. As we arrived there, some other people brought several homemade dishes as well as bread rolls.

I had eaten a rich late breakfast in Ayer Itam and wasn't particularly hungry. The only things I could offer were some roast pork and sweet potato coconut milk fritters bought in Ayer Itam and fresh fruits from Balik Pulau market. 

We set the table and prepared the small individual tables for the monks. Meanwhile they told me that the monks were not vegetarian except of one young monk from Germany. I was looking for my fruits and he pointed to them on the table.

The monks entered the room and said a prayer, the people kneeled and prayed with them. After this they sat at the table and had their lunch. We either tidied up or sat aside because we were not supposed to walk around when they go to the huge table to bring the food to their individual small tables.

The monks still spent some time and I could ask them questions about their teachings. Their lifestyle is fairly worldly and meat allowed because Buddha was a meat eater they said.

They spoke several languages and the German monk needed to leave Malaysia every 3 months for visa purposes. He was fluent in both English and German. However I wondered why Malays were not allowed to visit whilst they had monks and visitors from the whole world coming for studies or retreat including Indonesia.

After the monks left we had lunch alltogether and washed up afterwards. The ladies told me you could easily get lost on the trails and one lady offered to go with me. I didnt have much time left until my departure and decided to do the hike alone on the weekend. 

I didn't get lost while hiking to the peak of the trail on the hill but suddenly there was a massive downpour. A middle-aged man on a motorbike stopped and invited me to his house for lunch. He told me he was a PR of New Zealand and still had a house at the foot of the hill. I stayed in his house with him and his son chatting our time away and had a tasty lunch until the rain stopped.

The experience was a quite unexpected surprise and I didn't have a phone and a camera to take photos of our memories. But who knows that the reason why people were so kind to me was because they didn't see a camera on me. Apparently I had a local appearance more than a tourist.

This experience made it clear to me that  I will always remain Roman Catholic despite the church's little flaws. However I am open-minded enough to visit other religions and have an exchange.

Hiking: Sports, nature and tourism

If you hike a beautiful area with a lot of historic cultural sites along with beautiful outlooks on nature, it is hard to maintain the athletic aspects only. Sports physicians define hiking as walking through nature with different type of tracks and at a minimum speed of 5-6 km. It can range from an easy paved road to paved forest trails, rougher track area, different types of soil up to slippery extremely steep serpentines.In most cases the distance ranges between 10 and 30 km per day.

However, there will always be the touristic side of the hike. This means that we need to count sightseeing  ancient castles and other historic cultural sites, different photo stops which shouldn't be missed or just enjoying the scenery. These non-sports activities add  some extra time to the planned hike. We always have to go for compromises because if we want to enjoy nature and culture to the fullest,  the minimum cardiovascular workout cannot be maintained throughout the whole hike. A stretch of app 20 km can easily take around 6-7 hours including all breaks.

This is another part of the Rheinsteig between Braubach and Filsen, alongside the Rhine including steep ascends and descends, partly slippery, partly in forested areas and the other stretch in the hot sunny part along the Rhine

Getting a deeper insight into Indonesian culture

Traditional Benteng Chinese wedding in the village

Modern Chinese New Year celebration

I was  not born and raised in Indonesia but my Indonesian genes are visible. My language skills are quite good because I had many Indonesian contacts in other countries. Reading books and virtual social networks has helped me a lot to get around the country with adequate language and behaviour.

This year  my mother has been struck by a sudden illness. I needed to take over all her business and social duties without much preparation. As a seasoned traveller in business and leisure, I am aware of cultural differences. But there is a huge difference between knowing and actually living a culture. I was forced to plunge and blend in into the society because I was my mother's only relative. Couchsurfing turned out to be extremely helpful because I met my CS friends Diana and Magdalena. They guided me to cope with cultural differences and Diana even helped me to find a retirement residence for my mother. I do have Indonesian friends that are not on CS too. Lovely people, wealthy, highly educated and well-traveled but unlike me, they haven't had a globalised parental education from their first baby crawl. So, sometimes it has been a challenging act to bridge the differences in perception. Here are a few cultural differences which highly differ from mine:


 

These friendly Muslim nurses are against over-structured society, hypocrisy and adult authority

Unwritten social rules
At least outwardly, ethnicity differences seem to be a big no-no in European or Australian societies. In Indonesia it is different. Mentioning ethnicity differences and even a certain degree of racism is socially acceptable. People address the elderly, the Chinese, the Christian indigenous and the Muslims differently with different names. For instance if they assume that somebody is Chinese they will automatically call them Ci(older sister in Chinese) or tante(auntie).  The problem with this kind of social etiquette is: Somebody will automatically be placed in a box or given a place in society just based on their looks. Some Chinese look like indigenous Indonesians and many indigenous Indonesians look like Chinese, some older people look younger, some younger people look older.

The best solution would be to find a common term to address the people and nobody will be distinguished by their age or ethnicity. Former President Sukarno suggested that everybody should be called bapak(Mr) or ibu(Mrs, Ms) which can be directed at any person regardless of age and ethnicity. I quite appreciate the Muslim indigenous Indonesian who call everybody mbak, ibu or bapak regardless whether they are Chinese or indigenous.

Respect the elderly or adult authority?
Respecting the elderly seems to be the cornerstone of the  Asian culture. But what people in certain circles consider respect is in fact adult authority in the most narrow pyramid form. Mario Teguh, well-known Indonesian TV talkshow master repeatedly discussed the topic "respect" in all its forms. One of the topics that received special attention was: Respect needed to be earned and not demanded. This means that younger people and children do deserve respect especially when they have outstanding achievements. A lot of younger and older people in this country seem to evolve and start to think outside the usual box. A very good development!

A different approach towards raising children
Non-Western parents also tend to be overbearing and overprotective to their children. A great deal of Western parents do not prohibit their kids to climb a tree because they should learn the hard way. Only after they experience that falling off a tree can be excruciatingly painful, they will realise that they need to be more careful in such endeavors.  Indonesian parents have the habit to protect children from getting hurt by just preventing them from climbing a tree or riding a motor bike.

Due to this kind of upbringing we often see that young Indonesians have less self-confidence than their Western counterparts. While Western youngsters leave their parent's home to live on their own at the age of 18, Indonesian people often live with their parents until the age of 30. On the other hand, it is quite encouraging to see a lot of changes made to Indonesian society rules and younger people have often become more assertive.  A lot of parents start to question the old methods and start to raise their children to be more independent.

Hypocrisy towards the elderly
One Asian girl told me that "the elderly help us when we need financial help, therefore we do what they tell us". Well, in my opinion this is not respect but a form of extreme top down authority. It is difficult to understand for my social upbringing. On the other hand, older people are not taken seriously in business and day-to-day affairs.

My mother's birthday international brunch at Four season's Hotel Kuningan

My mother is a very independent lady and as she wanted to clarify issues with technical problems in her house, the government worker shouted at her very disrespectfully "Your child should take care of it!!!" And people sometimes do not realise that some elderly have no relatives anymore. When an elderly person does not behave according to acceptable norms, this attitude is automatically judged as signs of getting older. This is extremely hypocritical considering that the elderly should deserve respect.

People over 70 are considered  helpless and childish in Indonesia while in the western world they still run marathons. As my mother has been operated, I was quite astonished that it was me who had to sign the consent form. I told the people that I considered it a blatant insult to the address of the senior-aged people. Relatives can also sue doctors if anything goes wrong. However,a  few exceptions in Indonesia still have outstanding performance at the age of nearly 100!  

Lack of appreciation towards somebody else's time If you have an appointment in Jakarta,  it is nearly impossible to be on time due to traffic jams. But people seem to set their own time schedule and just make up not overly intelligent lies. They would cancel on you half an hour before the appointment saying that they have a meeting. Of course I don'T believe them.. As far as I am informed, even in Indonesia business meetings are scheduled and I have a business meeting with them too. "Can I come tomorrow because I have a meeting today?" they ask. . I told them that they had wasted my time today and going to ruin my  next day.  

The word privacy does not exist because it is not there
The word privacy in Indonesia does not exist because you simply cannot have it. What does the word privacy actually mean? One of the many meanings is the right to do whatever you think is right for you. For instance if a person has piercings and weird clothes, people  in the Western world may not like it but they respect their privacy or right to do whatever they see fit. In Indonesia, people on the street will probably follow and ridicule them. I was not allowed to wear shorts in a Tai Chi group training session because all the others had long pants on.  Of course I can understand that they have to wear uniformed clothes in a performance.

I told them that in a training session people could simply wear whatever they wish. Their response reflected more the attitude of kindergarten toddlers. Gossiping while throwing indiscrete looks and finally making fun of me. People easily ask your age and salary, while very insensitive to the other person's reluctance to answer. Even my closer friends don't show much understanding that I don't appreciate them coming to my house just as they please.......It is very clear that the Asian culture is more based on collective values while the Western culture has evolved towards individualism.

The mainstream traveller This is the worst because this group strongly defines themselves through wealth. Tour guides already know that Indonesian travel groups are more interested in shopping than people, culture and scenery. Neighbours and friends seem to nearly demand presents, the so-called oleh oleh from overseas. Travellers are therefore pretty much under pressure of which present they have to buy for which neighbour. They are even prepared to pay excess weight just to accommodate the pressure of their social environment.

golden wedding anniversary with red wine

It is very fortunate that some enterprising Indonesian people are much into backpacking and adventure; they are often members of Couchsurfing or Indonesian Backpacker Communities. Indonesian Couchsurfers and probably all flash- and backpackers all over the world speak many foreign languages, have a rather globalised view on life and their attitude is mostly untypical for their culture.


Summary
If you travel to any country for just a short time, you will not be really exposed to the real culture. In order to taste the real culture with all the pros and cons, one needs to either work or study in a country for some time. I start to realise this after I came to Indonesia for prolonged periods and had to fulfill certain tasks.

To discover your own boundaries within exotic waters

There is nothing more inspiring than the cultural diversity in Indonesia. Couchsurfing has helped me a lot to learn about these differences and even learn the language and culture of my ancestors. Made up of 50% Asian genes, I have been formed by predominantly Western cultures. I have always thought that I was "openminded" and that it was easy for me to blend in societies different from my own. For sure it is definitely easier for me than for many other travellers. After living in countries outside my usual boundaries, I found a huge difference between knowing a culture and to actually blend in as though it was your own. It is undoubtedly easy for me to respect a culture but quite a challenge to live it as though it is my own.

I had close contact with Couchsurfers in many countries and found that they tend to be different from the average person in their own culture. In fact you will find globalized circles in nearly every country.They have travelled, speak many languages on a native or near-native basis and even spent their formative years in a Western country. I found that expatriates or globalized locals could teach me a lot about the local culture, yet they are more likely to find a common ground for communication with me.

As to the Asian cultures compared to the west, there are a few very pronounced differences that I would like to draw attention to.I have lived in Indonesia, have some friends or relatives there. Very much aware of the differences myself, I found that local people who have not yet been exposed to other countries were not always tolerant towards our views. Most of them have only traveled the Western world as flash tourists hence their opinion is much based on prejudice along with scenes from cheap sitcoms.

Nowadays Indonesia starts to develop and open up to attitudes outside their own box. Younger people tend to raise their kids to develop their own identity, more self-confidence, more democracy and autonomy for their own decisions in life. The core values in Asian societies are more community- than individual-based as opposed to their Western counterparts.

Privacy rights
This is one of the widest gap between Asian and Western societies. People ask your age and income, don't stop their interrogation until you tell them what they want to hear. Neighbours are curious about your life without really caring for you. If they feel that they don't get enough information to spice up their daily coffee hour, they either insist on getting more to put on their cake or even fabricate some weird stories.

My heart missed a beat as I walked out of my door and heard loud conversations about the local doctor who was allegedly too old to give birth to her newborn baby. At the age of 37, she became the talk of the town. In their view, this lady must have received artificial insemination because it is impossible for such an old woman to have a natural birth. The very educated and well-traveled people may be the exception to the rule. However, I have been explicitly irritated by well-traveled people with university degrees who didn't seem to be aware of those who were not prepared to disclose enough private information.

A fairly wealthy business person with a good command of English asked me bluntly along these lines:" You certainly send your mother a check every month, right? Or maybe she sends you a monthly check, doesn't she?" I was very close to calling him names but refrained from doing so because he had a generous caring heart for other people. Nevertheless, I'm going to tell him that he made me feel like being shackled on the torture bench, mercily interrogated by the Inquisition.

One example of privacy differences:
In most Western countries, any individual has the freedom to do what they think is appropriate for themselves. The advantages: People become more creative, self-confident and responsible for their own actions. On the downside, sometimes people with less stable characters may not always be aware of moral boundaries or ethics. In Indonesia, a lot of actions and behaviour seem to be dictated by the rules of the society. One example: if people dress differently from the social norm, people on the street will follow and ridicule them. If you join a sports club and refuse to wear their uniform because you think your body only belongs to you, you will be gossiped about at best and openly insulted at worst.

Respect for the elderly
I have seen a lot of words like "respect for the elderly" in the couch description of Asian Couchsurfer's profiles. I would rather replace the word "respect" with "obedient". Travelers don't always realise that what some non-Western cultures call respect is in fact a rigid, one-sided top-down system where society simply demands unrestricted obedience towards somebody who is considered older or senior to you. It is the society who unapologetically judges a person for not strictly following social rules.Young people do not always have too many opportunities to ensure their personal growth. However, I have observed that adult authority is slowly evolving in Indonesia and parents support democracy......

I suggest any person who would like to surf the couch of a non-globalized Asian family or receive an Asian couchsurfer in their home should realise the impact of this culture on them. It is good to be aware of what some cultural regulations really mean and compare them with their own personal perception. Couchsurfing or any other hospex site is still a very insightful journey to discover one's own personal boundaries when they try to immerse in more exotic waters.